if you’ve ever written a food blog, you’ll know two things:
1. it is a highly profitable pastime which generates a substantial income, and
2. people will constantly suggest restaurants you should try out.
as a food blogger with literally tens of readers, i often find myself on the receiving end of restaurant suggestions, both welcome and not.

lately, i’ve been hearing positive things about matt moran’s chiswick and honeycomb in darlinghurst. but before i could get to those establishments, i had to check out an eatery several people had suggested i try: mcdonald’s restaurant.

a friend had mentioned to me that mcdonald’s restaurant was actually located in my suburb, which was rather lucky, as my area isn’t exactly known for it’s culinary expertise. so i decided to investigate. 

as it turns out, there are quite a few of these places. a quick internet search revealed that mcdonald’s is a chain of hamburger restaurants that began in california in 1940 as a barbecue restaurant operated by richard and maurice mcdonald. the promise of delicious hamburgers was enough; i was there. 

my attempt to review mcdonald’s restaurant did not get off to a great start, as i had a difficult time finding it at first. there was no sign saying “mcdonald’s” out the front, but instead a logo which resembled yellow archways, so i ended up walking straight past it. perhaps more visible signage would help bring more customers in. 

once inside i waited to be seated for several minutes, however was unfortunately not shown to a table. perhaps the maitre d’ was not in that day. i decided to take a seat at one of the tables in the restaurant’s alfresco courtyard. again, i found myself waiting for around ten minutes for someone to take my order, which was incredibly frustrating. already disappointed by the service, i ventured over to the counter and ordered directly with one of the staff. 

the menu was displayed high on a wall, and after looking over the options i decided on a “quarter pounder” burger, with french fries, coca cola and something called a “mcflurry”, which the server recommended to me as a particularly delicious dessert choice.

i went to return to my seat, but before i got there my meal was ready. what it lacked in table service, the restaurant certainly made up in speed. i was somewhat put off, however, to see my meal arrive on a plastic tray adorned with a paper advertisement for the restaurant. it was a rather tacky presentation, and confusing too as i was already dining there- why advertise to customers who have already bought your food?

quarter pounder burger 

presentation aside, i must admit i was excited to try the hamburger, which was served in a box. i figured, if this place had been trading successfully for over 70 years, the food would certainly taste great. turns out, this assumption was foolishly misguided. the “quarter pounder” burger had little to no flavour and included rubbery cheese and a sugary bread bun. for a hamburger restaurant, i expected a great deal more. 

french fries, large

the fries were lukewarm, cardboardesque and lacked substance. eating them was like watching kristen stewart act. 

double chocolate fudge mcflurry

time for dessert. the serving container indicated that my “mcflurry” would be “thick and creamy.” the packaging continued to boast, “what gives mcflurry that creamy taste? it’s the soft serve made with real milk of course!” well, mcflurry, i don’t remember asking what gave you a creamy taste. and furthermore, “real milk”? how can you brag so flagrantly about something that should be a given? were mcdonald’s previously making their “mcflurry” desserts using imitation milk? i have to say i was rather deterred by mcflurry’s arrogance. thou doth protest too much methinks, mcflurry, and you don’t at all taste like real milk. 

overall, i was disappointed with my mcdonald’s restaurant experience. the quality of the product is poor and the food has an almost mass-produced feel to it. i also suspect it is not particularly nutrimental either. having said that, the prices are very reasonable with a variety of burger meals available under $10. the verdict: while no culinary landmark, this is certainly the type of restaurant that would really appeal to families, especially those with limited knowledge of fresh produce. check it out if you have exhausted all other options, or are feeling slovenly. 

today at grain of salt, i would like to take a moment to, for lack of a better term “spit some truth.” you see, my recent culinary tour of the united states was not all trendy restaurants, notable chefs and degustations. quite often, it was more about indulging in the less finer things in life. namely, sugar and brown food. some of these items i have chosen to showcase today. in order to give you the best indication of their individual heart-stopping (literally) merits, i have developed a scrupulous ranking system. the vascular verdict is my final word on the scale of the damage done to my aorta, while the fat factor puts it into a neat number out of ten. sit back, relax and enjoy, but afterwards you should probably go for a brisk walk. 

hot dog & fries, magic mountain california. let’s be clear: i ate this after suffering a near emotional breakdown after a traumatic ride on something called x2. google it if you enjoy roller-coaster torture, it actually involves fire. so, as you can imagine, i was desperate for something to calm me down: food. unfortunately, the options were hot dog, cheeseburger or alarmingly large turkey leg. true. so, hot dog it was. vascular verdict: had to stop eating hot dog halfway through because i thought about it too much. fat factor: 9/10.

doughnut muffin, dean & deluca new york. dean & deluca is possibly the finest of all new york fine food purveyors. the upscale grocery store is a one stop shop for everything gourmet and delicious. just when i thought i couldn’t love it any more, they blow my proverbial socks off with a beautiful marriage of two favourite food items: doughnut and muffin. the doughnut muffin was quite literally a revelation. vascular verdict: twice the excitement, triple the calories. ff: 8/10.

cheeseburger, m burger chicago. word on the street in chi-town is that the “m” in m burger stands for michigan avenue, a major street in the city, off which the restaurant is located. offering a simple menu with 8 or so items, m burger was exactly what i was looking for during that sad time between lunch and dinner. (i eat a lot, ok? if i was a pet you wouldn’t buy me). vascular verdict: your standard cheeseburger with delicious fries, as the bag boasts. ff: 8/10

garlic fries, yankee stadium new york. garlic fries are all the rage at yankee stadium, and when they say garlic fries they are not mucking around. this is serious garlic we are talking about here people, and i say that as a garlic lover. i’m talking diabolical, atomic, leviathan levels of garlic. joe king ate most of these and spent the next three days getting very sick of me telling him how i could smell garlic coming out of his pores. vascular verdict: there were fries in there!? ff: 7/10

hot dog, navy pier chicago. chicagoans are very serious about two things: baseball and hot dogs. having no interest in the former, i paid close attention to the strict rules that surround their ‘dogs. firstly, it must be on a poppyseed bun. additionally, it must have yellow mustard, chopped white onions, relish, tomato slices, celery salt and a spear of pickle. most importantly, a chicago hot dog should not and will not ever have ketchup on it. the mere suggestion of this act is morally reprehensible by illinois standards, as i soon found out. vascular verdict: the many vegetable accompaniments make it very refreshing, but… well, it needs ketchup. sorry chicago, i do love you! ff: 6/10.

doughnuts, fisherman’s wharf san francisco. i’m not sure who trish is but her mini doughnuts are so good they should be illegal. sure, they were probably an inappropriate snack choice on a very hot day at the wharf, but what’s it to you? don’t judge me! vascular verdict: so bad it’s good… then back to bad again. ff: 9/10

fish and chips, sausalito san francisco. after a gruelling bike ride around san francisco, over the windy golden gate bridge (why are the railings so low!?) and down into the beautiful little town of sausalito, it was time for lunch. sausalito is a waterfront city within the bay area, reminiscent of a european coastal town. it is certainly not to be missed if you happen to be biking nearby, as i was, albeit poorly. i was delighted to see an aussie favourite on the menu of a local restaurant, and so fish and chips it was. vascular verdict: about as non-greasy as fish and chips can get, however there’s no denying the absence of greenery. ff: 8/10

“chicken” burger, veggie grill los angeles. my frequently-mentioned-on-this-blog vegan friend bec happens to work at an excellent vegan restaurant called veggie grill. bec hooked us up with their sante fe crispy chickin’ burger (spelt “chickin’” because, well, it’s not chicken). the burger itself is made from soy, vegetable and plant proteins, and believe me, i was hesitant to try it. i’m of the belief that questions “why do you need to have fake meat? what’s wrong with just vegetables?” as it turns out, this “chickin” is a-mazing. it really has to be eaten to be believed. even joe king, carnivore, was impressed. vascular verdict: it’s made of plants! i’m so healthy! ff: 4/10.

cheeseburger, in n’ out los angeles. this was a meal i’d been waiting for an embarrassingly long time. the infamous burger chain is located only on the west coast, and this particular outlet (on sunset) is a hollywood institution. though i wasn’t in possession of an academy award like past diner hilary swank, it was still every bit as good as i had hoped/dreamt about. vascular verdict: shockingly light to eat, the cheeseburger is a mere 268 calories! win. ff: 5/10

banana pudding, magnolia bakery new york. if your understanding of “pudding” involves a cup filled with condensed milk, whipped cream, vanilla pudding mix, biscuits (actual ingredients) and allegedly some real bananas, then this is the dessert for you. it’s like a sickeningly sweet cup of banana-flavoured whipped cream. vascular verdict: i’m pretty sure i have diabetes now. ff: 10/10