if you’ve ever written a food blog, you’ll know two things:
1. it is a highly profitable pastime which generates a substantial income, and
2. people will constantly suggest restaurants you should try out.
as a food blogger with literally tens of readers, i often find myself on the receiving end of restaurant suggestions, both welcome and not.

lately, i’ve been hearing positive things about matt moran’s chiswick and honeycomb in darlinghurst. but before i could get to those establishments, i had to check out an eatery several people had suggested i try: mcdonald’s restaurant.

a friend had mentioned to me that mcdonald’s restaurant was actually located in my suburb, which was rather lucky, as my area isn’t exactly known for it’s culinary expertise. so i decided to investigate. 

as it turns out, there are quite a few of these places. a quick internet search revealed that mcdonald’s is a chain of hamburger restaurants that began in california in 1940 as a barbecue restaurant operated by richard and maurice mcdonald. the promise of delicious hamburgers was enough; i was there. 

my attempt to review mcdonald’s restaurant did not get off to a great start, as i had a difficult time finding it at first. there was no sign saying “mcdonald’s” out the front, but instead a logo which resembled yellow archways, so i ended up walking straight past it. perhaps more visible signage would help bring more customers in. 

once inside i waited to be seated for several minutes, however was unfortunately not shown to a table. perhaps the maitre d’ was not in that day. i decided to take a seat at one of the tables in the restaurant’s alfresco courtyard. again, i found myself waiting for around ten minutes for someone to take my order, which was incredibly frustrating. already disappointed by the service, i ventured over to the counter and ordered directly with one of the staff. 

the menu was displayed high on a wall, and after looking over the options i decided on a “quarter pounder” burger, with french fries, coca cola and something called a “mcflurry”, which the server recommended to me as a particularly delicious dessert choice.

i went to return to my seat, but before i got there my meal was ready. what it lacked in table service, the restaurant certainly made up in speed. i was somewhat put off, however, to see my meal arrive on a plastic tray adorned with a paper advertisement for the restaurant. it was a rather tacky presentation, and confusing too as i was already dining there- why advertise to customers who have already bought your food?

quarter pounder burger 

presentation aside, i must admit i was excited to try the hamburger, which was served in a box. i figured, if this place had been trading successfully for over 70 years, the food would certainly taste great. turns out, this assumption was foolishly misguided. the “quarter pounder” burger had little to no flavour and included rubbery cheese and a sugary bread bun. for a hamburger restaurant, i expected a great deal more. 

french fries, large

the fries were lukewarm, cardboardesque and lacked substance. eating them was like watching kristen stewart act. 

double chocolate fudge mcflurry

time for dessert. the serving container indicated that my “mcflurry” would be “thick and creamy.” the packaging continued to boast, “what gives mcflurry that creamy taste? it’s the soft serve made with real milk of course!” well, mcflurry, i don’t remember asking what gave you a creamy taste. and furthermore, “real milk”? how can you brag so flagrantly about something that should be a given? were mcdonald’s previously making their “mcflurry” desserts using imitation milk? i have to say i was rather deterred by mcflurry’s arrogance. thou doth protest too much methinks, mcflurry, and you don’t at all taste like real milk. 

overall, i was disappointed with my mcdonald’s restaurant experience. the quality of the product is poor and the food has an almost mass-produced feel to it. i also suspect it is not particularly nutrimental either. having said that, the prices are very reasonable with a variety of burger meals available under $10. the verdict: while no culinary landmark, this is certainly the type of restaurant that would really appeal to families, especially those with limited knowledge of fresh produce. check it out if you have exhausted all other options, or are feeling slovenly. 

part of me feels this post should really be titled, “tetsuya’s: grainofsalt & the quest for the missing hat.” like many sydney food lovers, i was shocked by the 2010 removal of the acclaimed restaurants’ third prestigious sydney morning herald chef’s hat. that disbelief escalated with last week’s announcement that tetsuya’s is no longer part of san pellegrino’s world’s 50 best restaurants. (now #58) it is a truth universally acknowledged that tetsuya wakuda is one of our most innovative and beloved chefs. established in 1989 in rozelle, before finding it’s current home at 529 kent street in 2000, tetsuya’s is an australian culinary landmark. it is known for it’s unique cuisine which combines japanese philosophy with classical french techniques, and has become a must-visit for food lovers around the world who delight in it’s eleven-course degustation menu, which changes frequently according to seasonality. so, when a special occasion came up, i knew where i wanted to go…

walking down the discreet driveway, i cannot help but feel geekily excited as i anticipate the meal to come. we take our seats near the window overlooking the beautiful zen garden, and i quickly glance at our neighbours. to our right is a rather serious looking couple closely examining their fish, while on our left is a family with two small daughters. i notice their dora the explorer colouring books unopened on the table and wonder if they would rather be at mcdonald’s.

after quickly devouring some warm bread rolls with tetsuya’s delicious truffle butter, enjoying a glass of complimentary champagne, and listening to our softly-spoken waiter mellifluously describe the impending dishes, we are presented with our first course: chilled cucumber soup with sheep’s yoghurt ice cream. as you can see, the soup is intensely green and is a stunning introduction to the degustation. the flavours are at once subtle and multifaceted, and it’s safe to say my palate is well and truly cleansed. 

our second course is a sashimi of kingfish with black bean & orange. i can only describe this morsel as the most delicate, smooth and heavenly piece of sashimi i’ve ever eaten. two courses down and still no sign of that missing hat…

continuing along with all that is smooth and creamy, our next course is marinated nz scampi with avocado soup & avruga. the avocado soup is peppery, yet serene and the entire dish is delightfully warm, though i may or may not already be a tad soused from an embarrassingly small amount of matching wine. i glance once more at the two little girls next to me, who have pushed aside their next dish, instantly recognisable as tetsuya’s signature confit ocean trout, in order to create space to work on their dora colouring books. it is depressingly hilarious.

with my two little friends slightly ahead in their degustation, i of course know what is going to be next. the anticipation is unbearable. this is, after all, arguably the most well-known and acclaimed dish in the country. could it possibly live up to my unreasonably high expectations, or will it be sadly underwhelming in person, much like the statue of david’s… umm… well, the statue of david. it wasn’t long before i got my answer. there it was: confit petuna ocean trout with konbu, celery & apple. what can i say? it. is. insane. a truly perfect culinary moment…

… that was thoroughly, sincerely and wholeheartedly enjoyed. 

after another much-needed moment to gather our stomachs, we are presented with a fillet of mulloway with asparagus & pil pil. it is yet another vibrant, fresh dish that leads me nowhere on my quest to find the missing chef’s hat. at this point i ask our waiter if there is any interesting information he could share with us about the menu. he points out that the main aspect of the restaurant is broken up into three separate dining areas. interestingly, there is a different degustation menu for each room at any one time. according to our waiter, this enables regular diners to experience a different degustation each time they dine. “so if you dined in one room last week, you can eat in the other one next week and have a totally different experience.” “wow, that’s great” i say, swilling my wine. “who is eating here every week?!” i think. the stern couple stare at me and i think i have my answer.

by now the wine glasses appear to be doubling, and the little girls next to us are deciding whether or not dora’s shirt should be pink or orange. soon arrives an unusually muted dish: braised oxtail with sea cucumber and yuzu. it is a buttery mouthful of the most tender meat imaginable. 

six courses in and i’m still no closer to solving the mystery of the missing chef’s hat. more than a little tipsy and i’m disappointed to say, ever-so-slightly full, i am greeted with our seventh instalment: slow-roasted breast of duck with smoked leeks & sansho. it is yet another example of the perfect execution and attention to detail that has made this restaurant the landmark that it is. simply delicious.

finally, we reach the last of the savoury dishes. the little girls are already onto dessert, and dora has finally hung up her backpack. the savoury finale comes in the form of a frequent resident of tetsuya’s menu: de-boned rack of lamb with heirloom carrots. there’s only so many words one can use to say “tender” before you get to “sentimental” and “ticklish” in your thesaurus, but i’m left with no choice: this is one sentimentally ticklish piece of lamb. it taste like spring on a plate and to make it all the more delectable, the “dirt” sprinkled on top tastes like popcorn. amazing.

after yet another much-appreciated break, we meet our first dessert course. on their own sweet little plate arrive a sorbet of pione grapes with summer pudding in shot glasses. devastatingly, i am forced to face an unpleasant truth: i have come to my first underwhelming moment of the meal. the first clue in my quest to find the missing chef’s hat. the dessert, while of course tasty and refreshing, does not blow me away as all the other dishes have. and, while i’m being picky, i can’t say i’m loving the shot glasses. they seem incongruous with the bold, glamorous plates we’ve seen previously. my disappointment is only fleeting, however, as there are still two more desserts to go.

next up is white peach with peach granita. icy, smooth, crunchy and creamy, it is a delightful dessert, and i am particularly happy as white peach is my favourite fruit. i adore the play on textures, and the refreshing taste, which is most welcome after such an extensive meal. i cannot help, however, but to compare it to peter gilmore’s infamous guava snow egg. when contrasted with gilmore’s technical masterpiece, tetsuya’s peach concoction seems rather simple and again strikes me as a potential cause of the recent de-hatting. of course, i am being highly critical here, like all good detectives, but only in an attempt to understand where the smh reviewers are coming from. fussyville, apparently.

after nearly four hours, what feels like four hundred glasses of wine and with our young friends having now departed, our final dish of the night is presented to us. a decadent chocolate pave with cream cheese ice cream & cinnamon twigs. it is incredibly rich, and i take heaving breaths in between each bite as i am incredibly full. the pave is topped with a few sprinkled salt flakes and this, in combination with the ice cream & cinnamon works together to create the only truly unforgettable dessert moment of the night. it is simply delicious. before leaving, one of the courteous staff informs me that i should wait a few moments as there is a gift for me. waiting at the doors, i can’t imagine what it could be, as it is not my birthday. in moments i am presented with a small black parcel and told it is from tetsuya…

you see, earlier in the week, i had called to confirm our booking and thought i may as well ask if the man himself would be there on the night as i would love to meet him. as he unfortunately was not going to be in the restaurant, i was given a gift as an apology! incredibly shocked, i left kent street in disbelief that such a level of customer care could exist in our laid-back city. upon arriving home, i opened the parcel to find..

a copy of tetsuya’s dvd that he had personally signed. it was entirely unexpected and unnecessary, but incredibly appreciated nonetheless. truly a special gesture.

and that, my friends, is what you call a world-class restaurant. yes, it is expensive, at $210pp without wines. however, this is an unforgettable and remarkable culinary experience. i would strongly urge everyone who is able to give it a go, though i’m sure you almost certainly already have, and respectfully suggest that the smh seriously reconsider that pesky third hat. i think my two little friends and the stern couple would agree. 

okay, maybe not the stern couple.