today at grain of salt, i would like to take a moment to, for lack of a better term “spit some truth.” you see, my recent culinary tour of the united states was not all trendy restaurants, notable chefs and degustations. quite often, it was more about indulging in the less finer things in life. namely, sugar and brown food. some of these items i have chosen to showcase today. in order to give you the best indication of their individual heart-stopping (literally) merits, i have developed a scrupulous ranking system. the vascular verdict is my final word on the scale of the damage done to my aorta, while the fat factor puts it into a neat number out of ten. sit back, relax and enjoy, but afterwards you should probably go for a brisk walk. 

hot dog & fries, magic mountain california. let’s be clear: i ate this after suffering a near emotional breakdown after a traumatic ride on something called x2. google it if you enjoy roller-coaster torture, it actually involves fire. so, as you can imagine, i was desperate for something to calm me down: food. unfortunately, the options were hot dog, cheeseburger or alarmingly large turkey leg. true. so, hot dog it was. vascular verdict: had to stop eating hot dog halfway through because i thought about it too much. fat factor: 9/10.

doughnut muffin, dean & deluca new york. dean & deluca is possibly the finest of all new york fine food purveyors. the upscale grocery store is a one stop shop for everything gourmet and delicious. just when i thought i couldn’t love it any more, they blow my proverbial socks off with a beautiful marriage of two favourite food items: doughnut and muffin. the doughnut muffin was quite literally a revelation. vascular verdict: twice the excitement, triple the calories. ff: 8/10.

cheeseburger, m burger chicago. word on the street in chi-town is that the “m” in m burger stands for michigan avenue, a major street in the city, off which the restaurant is located. offering a simple menu with 8 or so items, m burger was exactly what i was looking for during that sad time between lunch and dinner. (i eat a lot, ok? if i was a pet you wouldn’t buy me). vascular verdict: your standard cheeseburger with delicious fries, as the bag boasts. ff: 8/10

garlic fries, yankee stadium new york. garlic fries are all the rage at yankee stadium, and when they say garlic fries they are not mucking around. this is serious garlic we are talking about here people, and i say that as a garlic lover. i’m talking diabolical, atomic, leviathan levels of garlic. joe king ate most of these and spent the next three days getting very sick of me telling him how i could smell garlic coming out of his pores. vascular verdict: there were fries in there!? ff: 7/10

hot dog, navy pier chicago. chicagoans are very serious about two things: baseball and hot dogs. having no interest in the former, i paid close attention to the strict rules that surround their ‘dogs. firstly, it must be on a poppyseed bun. additionally, it must have yellow mustard, chopped white onions, relish, tomato slices, celery salt and a spear of pickle. most importantly, a chicago hot dog should not and will not ever have ketchup on it. the mere suggestion of this act is morally reprehensible by illinois standards, as i soon found out. vascular verdict: the many vegetable accompaniments make it very refreshing, but… well, it needs ketchup. sorry chicago, i do love you! ff: 6/10.

doughnuts, fisherman’s wharf san francisco. i’m not sure who trish is but her mini doughnuts are so good they should be illegal. sure, they were probably an inappropriate snack choice on a very hot day at the wharf, but what’s it to you? don’t judge me! vascular verdict: so bad it’s good… then back to bad again. ff: 9/10

fish and chips, sausalito san francisco. after a gruelling bike ride around san francisco, over the windy golden gate bridge (why are the railings so low!?) and down into the beautiful little town of sausalito, it was time for lunch. sausalito is a waterfront city within the bay area, reminiscent of a european coastal town. it is certainly not to be missed if you happen to be biking nearby, as i was, albeit poorly. i was delighted to see an aussie favourite on the menu of a local restaurant, and so fish and chips it was. vascular verdict: about as non-greasy as fish and chips can get, however there’s no denying the absence of greenery. ff: 8/10

“chicken” burger, veggie grill los angeles. my frequently-mentioned-on-this-blog vegan friend bec happens to work at an excellent vegan restaurant called veggie grill. bec hooked us up with their sante fe crispy chickin’ burger (spelt “chickin’” because, well, it’s not chicken). the burger itself is made from soy, vegetable and plant proteins, and believe me, i was hesitant to try it. i’m of the belief that questions “why do you need to have fake meat? what’s wrong with just vegetables?” as it turns out, this “chickin” is a-mazing. it really has to be eaten to be believed. even joe king, carnivore, was impressed. vascular verdict: it’s made of plants! i’m so healthy! ff: 4/10.

cheeseburger, in n’ out los angeles. this was a meal i’d been waiting for an embarrassingly long time. the infamous burger chain is located only on the west coast, and this particular outlet (on sunset) is a hollywood institution. though i wasn’t in possession of an academy award like past diner hilary swank, it was still every bit as good as i had hoped/dreamt about. vascular verdict: shockingly light to eat, the cheeseburger is a mere 268 calories! win. ff: 5/10

banana pudding, magnolia bakery new york. if your understanding of “pudding” involves a cup filled with condensed milk, whipped cream, vanilla pudding mix, biscuits (actual ingredients) and allegedly some real bananas, then this is the dessert for you. it’s like a sickeningly sweet cup of banana-flavoured whipped cream. vascular verdict: i’m pretty sure i have diabetes now. ff: 10/10

a few months ago, when i told my friends and family that i planned to set off on a culinary tour of the united states, i was startled to hear the same reaction each time: “why would you go to america for food!? yuck, the food there is terrible, you should be going to europe!” after a quick, sagacious “you don’t know me!” i felt dismayed at the apparent misconceptions about american gastronomy. after two brief visits to the land of the free which had included only brilliant dining experiences, i couldn’t understand the negativity. this, coupled with a once-in-a-generation strong aussie dollar, and my mind was made up- i wanted to go to there. 

(ferry building, san francisco)

and now, as i adjust back to life in now-freezing sydney, i can say with utter confidence that america is a brilliant destination for a culinary tour, should you wish to do one. in thirty days and five cities, i partook (what an odd word) in some of the most delicious food experiences of my life, visited arguably some of the most exciting restaurants in the world and ate approximately 500 pieces of pizza.*

(dean & de luca, nyc)

i know what you’re thinking, and let me reassure you, dear reader(s?)— all of the aforementioned foodstuffs were detailedly (another odd word) and often painfully documented. so stay tuned over the coming days as i relive my trip through the often blurry snaps of a food blogger abroad….

(farmer’s markets, san francisco)

… what you’ll (hopefully) see through the following posts, is exactly what i discovered: that as far as produce, service, innovation and value for money go, the us is the place to be. sure, it’s terrible at preventing gun violence, recovering from national debt and educating themselves about countries other than their own, but food: food they know.

enjoy!

*sadly, not as wildly exaggerated as it sounds. i ate, like, a lot of pizza.